The word stress is thrown around quite loosely and as a condition, it is real…. often having a bigger impact on our health than any of the external factors we’ve discussed in the past. (Know about 'the stress response' in your body from the link-https://www.thrivefnc.com/blog/the-stress-response/)
I’ve seen this stress in every case I’ve worked with- a constant, underlying primordial fear based response to the environment around us. And I have been questioning the root cause of it for almost 2 years now and this is what I believe is at the root of it.
It’s the loss of the Collective. We as humans were meant to exist in a tribe. To work together towards the greater good of the tribe out of feelings of mutual love, trust and connectedness. In return, as a whole, the tribe always had your back. You could make mistakes, fail and the tribe would always hold the space for your learning and growth. This is how we are designed as a species.
Somewhere a few thousand years ago, this structure was broken and we started living in smaller and smaller units called families where each unit was forced to fend for itself. In the event of real or perceived threats and calamities you are expected to turn to these 1-2 people- most of whom are stuck in survival mode themselves and you don’t receive the support you need as an organism, as a being.
This is the reason the body ends up always staying on guard. There’s this constant message that the body is receiving that your survival is under threat. None of the passive aggressive people around you can help (sometimes they are the abusers) and as a being you feel you really need to figure out a way to make way out of this big holocaust- this big catastrophic event where anyone who had your back is missing. And you are left wondering, you know what was that great big event that occurred that took away everyone? Like where is everyone right now? That’s the question everyone is asking, where are those real connections, and where in the world is my Tribe?
It’s this loss of the collective, this loss of a sense of belonging that puts in you a flight or fight mode because every person you meet, you are questioning is this person friend or foe. And the other person is doing the same. Your body is the armor for your soul and having to stay in this state of high alert 24/7 starts wearing it down. It's painful for both the mind and body.. and to numb this pain, this lack of connectedness we get addicted to food, alcohol, media, work, toxic relationships etc.
So what do I think is the solution?
I think one beautiful way to deal with this stress is to start finding your tribe, start finding your community where you feel like you belong, where you can open your heart, where you can be vulnerable, where no one’s going to attack you. Where, even if there’s a threat from outside, there are others who got your back.
If you think I am wrong about this, ask yourself, how many relationships do you have in your life where you can be truly completely transparent and honest and vulnerable without having to ever be defensive ever? And then you know you have a good relationship. If you are defensive, if you’re putting up a fight, if you’re constantly making excuses for your existence, if you’re worried about being judged…then, you know, you’re not in your tribe.
I just think it's so important that you have spaces and you have people who you are not bound to by any social ties, not related by blood but all that they do is make you feel safe. These are the people that are going to be your tribe. The people that are going to have your back. These are the people where you are free to go miserably wrong, have really large failures and these people will still be there for you without drama. Because that’s our design- to fail, learn and grow. The tribe is essential for you to feel safe in this process. And this is one of the things I really, sincerely want to do- create tribes for you and me, create safe spaces only driven by a common goal of learning and growth and nothing else.
Simply so that you can tell your body to stand down and take a break and allow yourself to heal. Because when you heal, I heal.
If this is something that resonates with you, reach out to me and we’ll see what magic comes forth.
I am part of two such Tribes- The Thrive Tribe and The Heart Coherent Tribe- both extremely safe places, if you want to be part of either of these, let me know and we’ll figure out how to get you in.